haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's shark week go big or go home
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
