Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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