Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize