my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
