and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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