I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize