just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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