a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
