Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
