I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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