I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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