Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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