I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As shirtless as possible
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
