i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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