oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
