Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
