He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
