Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
