How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
