Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
