remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
