wanna go halves on a baby?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
