He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
