So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
