Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
