So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize