Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
