i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
