We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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