we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
