Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
