She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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