Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
