And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
