I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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