Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is Oprah even human
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
