I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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