very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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