Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
