ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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