i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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