The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
