Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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