She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
