That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
