we're blogging at a bar
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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