After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize