at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
