I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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