she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
