great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
