i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
