You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize