The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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