what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
