I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
operation have a gay friend backfired
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
