my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
