not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
