a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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