I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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