went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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