Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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