I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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