this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
