i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize