someone threw a dead crab at me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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