Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
