Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
