I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
