I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
