I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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