Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
