i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Best friends brother. Beat that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
