The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was born a porn star she said
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm like, not good at living.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize