he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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