**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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