Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
