Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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