well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
