Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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