His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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