Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
