Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
