somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
