Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
