Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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