i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize