Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
