I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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