Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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