I accidentally burped into my bong.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
