yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
