I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
