I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize