Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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