Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
