sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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