Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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