My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
